After a gap

besh kichhudin pore abar likhchhi ebar r Shining (feeling of resentment) er computer theke noy amar bari theke, Kolkata theke, ei amar first lekha, first kholasha kora, bari theke amar jogot eta etake ami jotto chinin ba etate ami jotota jure achhi r kichhu te nei kintu ami aekhon bujhte parchhi j mayer moton amio aankre dhorte chai ma hoyto kichhu jininsh ke, ami porishthiti k, eta hoyuto amar aalshemir jonno, ba may be this is my negative shotta speaking, may be it is just the fear to try out something new jeta hoyto amader shobar modhhyei achhe kichu matra te but aekta kotha thik j ami aekhono chhondo ta khuje pachhina ki j missing shala shetao identify korte parchhina aj Manisha bollo j kono karone amar karor sathei kotha bolte ichhe korchhe na tai kotha bolchhi na ki jani may be, kono karone pray kichhui amar bhalo lagchhe na sheta ki notun work place er jonno ba shekhane maniye nite parar jonno na onno kono karone ami bujhte parchhina ma baba r sathe consciously otyonto rude bhabe kotha bolchhi i don't know why have i turned into some kind of monster? she jonnoi ki cheshta korchhi to distance myself from every one and everything? confirmation peye gaele ek2 nishchinto lagbe, but that is another 5 months 1 week prothom chakri te confirmation er gurutto tai bujhini, debismita ba nitin jokhon bolto oder ta dite deri korchhe okarone tokhon bhabtam ki r hobe aaj noy kal diyei debe, but sheta r sathe j aetota chinta ba aetota stakes joriye sheta aekhon bujhchhi ebhabe bhoy peye kotodin chalabo? i wonder amar merudondo achhe kina, na ki ami just plain old escapist, a coward? ajkal consciously cheshta kori office er kotha na bhabte, but nervousness jayna, ei jodi bhul kore feli? ami ash pasher loker sathe thik kore kotha bolte parina r ami kina client er sathe kotha bolbo i am scared, jeta ami hoyto shob shomoy e hoi but i don't know how to get out of it but ebar ja hobe ami nije korbo, lets be independent thik jebhabe babu hoyechhe, ami compare korchhi jani but i am so happy for him I am porer din bolbo Babur kotha Amar Bhai, amar priyo Babu o amar didbhai bolte chay kina jani na karon o amay shob shomoy didi bole dake but phone e amar number didibhai bole save kore I love you Babu, amar shei chhotto bhai aekhon jibon jatray berochhe God bless u, always